Jiawen is emo~

Dear all,

It's the holidays again. Ironically, instead of feeling happy or excited, my holidays have started off wrongly. Perhaps I am just too demanding, or comparing too much. What is it that they say? The grass is always greener on the other side. Yes, that's it. How can I not compare my situation when I am so unhappy now? Yes, I count my blessings too. But humans are always not contented, aren't we? And isn't it that when we want something that we will strive to achieve and thus improve ourselves?

So what is it this time that I am unhappy?

Well, I am unhappy that my mother thinks that I waste my time. First day of the holidays, and I was reading a storybook in my room. When I finished, I came out and my mom gave me this disgusted look and said that I was wasting my time, not knowing that I have been awake for a few hours already.

I am unhappy that Jimmy is always unhappy. There is nothing that I can do to make it otherwise for him and I'm quite annoyed with myself. I mean, I know that when you are unhappy, the world is supposed to bow to you but...

I am unhappy that I am fat and I can't seem to bring myself to lose the weight.

I am unhappy that money seems to vaporise when you are earning your own living.

I am unhappy that I get cheated all the time... be it magazine subscription, broadband, books. I hate cheating Malaysians...may they rot in hell.

I am unhappy that my life is not as happening, or as sweet as others'.

I am unhappy that I am unhappy when I should be contented and happy.

I am unhappy. So help! Make my day!

A Post for Hunter

I have a lot of work to do this weekend...typing out a piece of what-I-think-is-a-waste-of-paper document, marking 3 classes' test papers, marking some books that I lugged home, spending time with my family, resting...yet I was reading the book "Marley and Me" that I bought some time in March. I was tickled silly by the antics of Marley, even though I watched the movie.

Reading about Marley made me think about Hunter. Who, you ask? Remember Baby's last batch of cute puppies?

Yup, I had wanted to keep the laziest puppy I named Trevor. I kept it. After a few weeks, however, we decided that Trevor did not suit him. My whole family called him "Hantu" because he yelps and howls and barks whenever some one is near. And he is naughty. I mean really NAUGHTY. So, since my family kept calling him "Hantu", he kind of thought it was his name. And, I decided to change a little bit of the pronunciation so as not to confuse him, and call him "Hunter". Macho name what...

Yup..this is the face which melted my (and my family's) heart...

Amazingly, since the maid came and I was always not around. Hunter grew up to be not too close to me. Nevertheless, I am still the only one that he would jump up to greet and the only one he would howl a melody for when I return. However, his antics (milder than Marley's case, of course) had made him the most unwelcome living thing in the house. He digs holes eventhough he has been punished for it many times. He jumps up (only on me now) to greet. He bangs your face, aiming for your lips with his nose eventhough he is beaten many times for that. He runs out every time you open the gate. He howled until his voice is hoarse now.

And perhaps because I don't spend as much time with him, he is neglected by me. When he went missing for a few days the other time, my whole family was worried yet relieved at the same time. And can you believe that I have not taken any photo of him from the days of puppy-dom? I mean, I have so many photos of Baby and Charlie when they were younger. I stopped taking photos only last year because I don't know how to upload them to the laptop and my charger was missing and since I bought a new one, is with Jimmy.

I mean, I think Hunter is mentally unstable. Could be due to the mom's old age when she gave birth to the litter. Do you know that he doesn't know how to pee properly? He would walk around and suddenly stop and the next thing you know, he's peeing and he doesn't even squat a little like Charlie does, so he ends up spraying his front legs. Eeewww...and his old mom would sometimes still lick his pee or eat his crap as though he was still a 2 month old puppy. And the heartbreaking thing is that Baby is now the lowest in the dog-hierarchy. Her ingrate of a son would growl and bite the mom when she is eating what he deemed is his. The mom would also try to teach her son to not to get into trouble by nipping his ears or head when he has done something wrong but would end up being bitten by that rebellious son of hers. And the best part is that the crazy dog would look as happy as a looney when seconds earlier he was beaten by my father for a wrong doing.

He loves the rain. He loves to use his head to bang any part of your body. He loves to crash into you with his whole body when you are petting another dog. He bites his own tail to the point that it is bald. He uses his brute strength to pull on his chain and chokes himself in the process. He eats 3 adults' portions daily and is still hungry all the time.

I mean, I feel bad for him sometimes. As much as I think I love him, I could not bring myself to bond with him as much as I used to do with Baby and Charlie. He is uncontrollable. Sometimes in the evening, I'd bring Charlie out to ease himself, I'd play with Charlie and Baby for a while. And Hunter would look forlorn and wag his tail sadly. I'd let him go to join in the fun but he'd just crash into me or the other two and spoil the fun for everyone. So, chained up again, he would be. I really don't know how John Grogan and his family tolerated with Marley's behaviour. I mean, it must be taxing as marley lives in the house! But then again, I don't know if I can bring myself to put Hunter to sleep. So, he's born mentally unstable...doesn't he deserve a life, too? Who are we to decide that he should end his life much earlier than God intended?

Hmm..maybe I'll try to upload some photos of him next weekend when I'm not so busy... :)

The matter with fish...

Haha...thanks Melwin!

This week had been hectic. I was supposed to set the question for Year 4 BM this time around. And as I am a procrastinator, I did the work only last weekend. I completed setting the questions last Sunday. I finished the work quite quickly because I had already chosen the questions beforehand.

As the exam is only a week away, I thought I could send my papers for photocopying by the past Monday after being checked by the person-in-charge. Unfortunately, I did not trust the person-in-charge. The person has a reputation of not being responsible. So, what I did was probably not right but I did not think that it was wrong at that time. I showed my questions to my subject supervisor. This subject supervisor(SS) of mine had my utmost respect and admiration.

So anyway, the person-in-charge looked very worried when she came to see me. She told me that her pupils told her that they had done the essay before in their tuititon class conducted by my SS. My SS had actually mentioned it and I thought it was all right as the questions are all almost the same. But what made me wonder was why all of a sudden the pupils told the person-in-charge that they have done the question before.

I mean, I was sorely disappointed! What has become of the professionalism of teachers these days? I mean, it is very normal to want to help your own students, but to tell them the questions? Or even to remind them which essay that they have done to memorize! Isn't that against the whole teaching principal? As the teacher-in-charge to set the question, I did not tell the pupils which ones to look into. You know the whole concept of teach someone to fish rather than giving them a fish?

SIGH~~~

I am very naive. And slow. My housemates who joined the school with me seemed to know who is trustworthy in school and who we should be wary of WAYYYYY before I did. The life of a common man...is there no one you can trust at your work place?

On a happier note, once the exams are over, I can't wait for the arrival of the holidays in peace!! Can't wait. Hehe...gotta go to bed early today for LADAP tomorrow. Night night people!

Enjoy the mid-autumn festival!

Haha...hey, I still have visitors to the blog! Thanks Willie! And...I was multitasking (kind of)... Playing game, blogging and erm...thinking about doing my work! Haha....

So anyway, after blogging yesterday, I managed to finish 25% of one of my work. Good lah...considering that I was on the verge of not doing anything at all.

What do I have to do on this Mid-Autumn Festival? Not that it is a tradition for my family to celebrate it, but it would be nice if you could spend it with your loved ones, wouldn't it? Unfortunately, I had to go back to school for some training this morning. So, off to school at 7 in the morning. After 3 hours of rather interesting talk about story-telling, I got restless and started yakking with my housemate. I could no longer take it when the speakers asked us to do group work. I mean, although it is interesting, we know that we will not be able to apply any of it in a classroom of 40. So, what did I do? I skipped the final hour. It is not good...but I think I wasted enough time.

The journey home was quite slow because of massive jam everywhere. I guess a lot of people still spend the day with their families. When I called one of my loved ones, he was more interested to spend the time with his friends. My sister, on the other hand, needs to be with her in-laws...So, in the end, I am going to spend the day with my TRUE loves - my parents and my DOGS. But I also need to spend it with something that I do not love at all, which is my work. Haha...

Well, another nonsensical blog post...which by the way, should be the title for this blog. I mean, I don't have many sensical stuff to talk about anyway. Hehe...have a happy mid-autumn festival!

To-do or not-to-do?

I have been sitting in front of the laptop for approximately 4 hours now and I haven't even started with the work that I am supposed to do. Gosh...seriously, at this rate, I am never going to finish any of my work today. O, thou evil internet games! :)

I am trying to be more disciplined. Professionally, I have picked up a lot of bad habits which is not very good. Personally, well, I need to make good use of my time. After all, youth will not always be with me. So, help me out, whoever who is still reading this...what do I need? Checklist? To-do list? Files? My to-do list always has at least 5 or 6 things to do every day, and I could only complete maybe 1 item or 3 items a day. What am I supposed to list down in my to-do list? I have many goals...work-wise and to be a better person kind of thing. So my normal to-do list would look something like this:

1. Drink 8 glasses of water

2. Finish marking 46 pieces of karangan

3. Type out the meeting minutes

4. Photocopy notes

5. EXERCISE

And then, at best, I'd complete item number 3 and the rest will just go into the next day's to-do list. Haha...what am I doing wrong, I wonder?

Erm...time management? Maybe...but 24hours a day is simply not enough. See, I spend about 8 hours at school, one and a half hour for meals, about an hour to shower, 8 hours to sleep, maybe an hour and a half to travel to places (for dinners etc) and I am left with 4 hours to clean up my room, do my laundry, take a breather... sigh...I seriously wonder how working mothers do it!

Well, I have another 3 hours to go to at least tick off one item on my to-do list today. So, I'd better go and do now. Ta-tas!

Cracking, cracking, CRACKED

Ok...most of the times I think of myself as an unfilial daughter. I didn't spend enough time with my mother or father (I'd prefer to sleep or go out with my friends). I am not patient with my mother (nowadays I snap at her when she cannot comprehend what I am trying to say). I don't like the fact that my mother gives stinging comments (I know I am fat, you don't have to keep reminding me AND tempt me with food while you do it).

I appreciate the fact that I am VERY lucky to be born into this family, but I am not contented. I love the fact that I have a lot of time to spend with my parents, but the thing is, when you know that someone is waiting for you and just hawking on the time to spend together with you every single time eventhough you were thinking of doing something else, is tiring...that's why I never thought having children is a good idea. Haha...

I mean, I know that my mother is lonely. In many ways, I am like her. I don't need many friends. Leave me alone with some money and space and I can spend my time happily and fulfillingly. My mother, unfortunately, has had too much alone time that she is just waiting for company, which her children can't provide. And accompanying her is not a problem at all...I mean I love my mother...but I can't stand it when she grumbles at me for not tidying up my room, or when I sleep in (on weekends, for God's sake!), or when I changed my mind about doing some chores. Give me a break...I've been doing things at my own pace for 5 days a week, I can't change my habits just because I come home on weekends! I've been tempted to not come home for the weekends. It didn't work out because of the guilt factor and the fact that I can't stand being in the house with my housemates the whole weekend either (more on that in other post). I mean, I admit...I AM WEIRD.. I AM A LONER, so LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Sigh...am I really that bad? I mean, working from Monday to Friday (and sometimes Saturday), I just want to spend a day of doing nothing or doing things that I want at whatever time that I want on the weekends. I don't know if other people feel the same way as I do. Torn between wanting time alone / time to spend at your leisure versus time with family members / fulfilling their wants? I see that my siblings will advise me to be patient and just spend time with our parents, but I hardly see them doing the same...

Sigh...a week at home has taken its toll...and the stress of my sister's family coming home, and the fact that my boyfriend was almost non-existent the whole week, and that I am just a whiny, lousy person over all. Hate you, world. Hate you too, God! Hate MYSELF the most!

Woo hoot~ I didn't waste the day away!

It has been a productive day today. I had a to-do list of 10 items, and by 10:30 p.m., I have completed 7. The other 3 that I haven't done? Well, they are for me to run on the treadmill, to do at least 30 sit ups and clean up my room. Haha..well, I guess the first two can be postponed. Anyway, my abs are still aching from the 20 sit-ups I did yesterday. :) I watched one a too many diet programmes on Discovery Home and Health and on Hallmark (Oprah and The Biggest Loser).

So anyway, I have finally done 80% of the application for the Master Programme. The uploading of the certificates and the postal order was the most troublesome part of the online application. You would think that online application means it is a faster and more convenient way of applying. Well, I can tell you, it is still a hassle. Perhaps the only convenience is that you do not have to run to UM every other day to get a form or another item. You just had to call the IPS til it rings off the hook and run to IPS once or twice. Haha...

Well, I also managed to bank-in the airplane ticket to Tisha finally. I had to queue up for about half an hour in a bank. Malaysian inefficiency. Similar to the so-called high tech idea of online-application, this is a bank which was the pioneer among the Malaysian banks to have lots of machines for cash deposit, cheque deposits and bank book update. However, the machines are not maintained properly. The fellow in front of me must have been at the machine for at least 15 times trying to get the machine to accept the RM 50 notes. When he finally gave up, I was already impatient. I tried twice and gave up. Off to another machine and voila! a foreign worker was withdrawing money for his friends and I had to wait for another ten minutes or so. Grrrr...

Well, it's 1135 p.m. now. I still have that one thing on my to-do list to complete...or I wouldn't have spac eto lie down on my bed. Hahahaha...

Cheerios!

Update for the sake of updating

OMG...I have been missing for a long time, it seems. Haha...not that anyone would have noticed.

So much has happened since the last I blogged. Just realised that Celcom broadband doesn't work well at my place, so I am basically without internet connection when I'm there either. Hmmm...spent lots of money but didn't get the service I expected.

Work-wise, I've been swamped with work. Marking never-ending books. Getting more wrinkles and hypertension when I enter certain classes. I used to love Fridays because that would be the day I come home to Charlie and my family. But I hate Fridays now because the new Senior assistants revamped the whole school's schedule, putting me in a class I dislike the most in the last two periods. However, I always breathe a sigh of rlief when the class is over for the day. And I always go home with a sore throat. Haha... Can't complain much, I suppose.

Baby is getting older these days. She had an ear infection last month and she nearly bit me because she was in pain and she looked accusingly at me when the vet put a muzzle on her and put her on the surgical table. She's all right now albeit suffering from a little arthritis. Hunter, on the other hand, ran away from home the other day and did not come back til 2 days later. My parents and the maid searched high and low for him but could not find him. When he ran home yesterday, he was so skinny and dirty that I could have mistaken him for another dog. And he had a traumatized look in his eyes. Thought that he would have learnt a lesson and not go out of the house, but he still ran out with the mother when I opened the gate this morning. Grrr...dogs never learn!

It's 3 a.m. and my mom wants me to go to bed already. Hmm...25 and my parents still treat me like a kid. Haha...Well, maybe will blog again tomorrow morning. Hopefully, before next year. Haha...take care you people who still drop by! :)

Yay! I finally got my Celcom broadband! And what trouble I had to go through to get it! I went to Low Yat on Sunday morning to get a few things. Jimmy dropped me off there because he had some business to deal with near Pudu. So, off I went at 1030, going straight to Celcom centre and getting my package. The price for a new modem and "free one month subscription" (Promotion, or so the man said) would set me back by RM 599. Phew..that's a lot of money. But I remembered that when I asked for the price during the CNY was RM 599 without having one month free. So, ok...I signed up for the package while the other workers were busy opening up.

Feeling as though I had done a good job, I continued with my shopping at Low Yat. Luckily I learnt from Brian a couple of things about IT stuff. So, I got myself a few good deals and as I was leaving Low Yat, I saw an offer for Celcom Broadband...RM 479 and free one month subscription of the RM 98 package! I was angry. I went back to the man I got my package with and asked for an explanation. The man said that my modem has an 18-month warranty, that's why it is more expensive. Since the man was able to come up with an explanation, I cooled down (anyway, paid for it already, what can I do right?) and happily went home.

After lunch, Jimmy and I tried to use the broadband (one hour activation). Guess what? The laptop couldn't detect the USB modem! Calls to the man who sold me the thing was futile. I think I called for at least 20 times and he just cancelled my calls. Calls to the office were also left unanswered. I was disappointed with the Chinese community (don't ask me why).

So off to Low Yat again I went, this time with Jimmy. He was more angry than I was. Like I said, I was feeling disappointed rather than angry. At the shop, no one bothered to serve us because there were lots of people. Jimmy snapped at the fellows who asked if they could help us. The fellows didn't like his attitude and pretended we were not there, which made him even angrier. I was feeling disappointed by the minute. Disappointed with Malaysians by that time.

The man who served me in the morning came out looking apologetic which cooled Jimmy down somewhat. After some time, we found out that the USB cable was the problem. So, after spending less than 20 minutes there, we left.

Thinking that everything is well again, I did not attempt to go online for the past few days because I was busy marking exam papers and what-nots. When I finally tried to go online less than an hour ago, I could not. Luckily, the calls I made to the fellow were answered politely. So, after a few tries of taking out the sim card and restarting the laptop, I am finally online. And that's the whole story of how much trouble I had to go through just to post this. Hehe...

So, the moral of the story is, when you want to buy any IT stuff, go with someone who looks fierce or is rude to get things that work perfectly. Hahahaha....have a great week!

Ms Sour Face

Phew...I finally finished setting the question papers for the Year 6 pupils! It is actually quite easy to set the questions, I just hope the level is low enough for most of them to pass.

I was a bit disappointed with myself and the Year 6 bunch for the last few days. I used to believe that strict teachers do not equate to good teachers. In that sense I mean that an effective teacher does not necessarily have to be feared. I used to think that Year 6 pupils are old enough to understand the concept of "I treat you nice, you treat me nice". I thought that they would know how to be responsible for their own learning. How wrong I was!!

I am essentially not a strict teacher. I am quite easy-going and I think my best virtue as a teacher is that I am very patient. I learnt to be patient when I was asked to teach Year One kids during practical and in my first 4 months in Sepang. My approach to teaching, which is to be nice to the pupils, was accepted and well-liked in my practical school and towards the end, in Sepang. Applying this approach in town chinese-medium school is a huge mistake.

For three weeks, I struggled with class discipline, getting the pupils to pay attention, to do work. I used psychology on them, advising them, nagging them. It would work for a while and then everything would be as though I was not in the classroom the next day. Worse part is that the classes would be more in control when there wasn't a teacher in class!

The girls who are willing to study, who are more matured and more susceptible to my approach felt that my classes were boring because they don't learn anything. I was stunned. What do they mean by they do not learn anything during my classes? What have I been doing for the past 3 weeks screaming my voice hoarse in front of the class? Quickly, the girls changed what they said, said that the boys were too noisy that they could hardly hear my explanations. Hmm...it is something for me to think about, I told them. "Teacher, use the cane on us." I went berserk. These kids actually prefer a teacher wielding a cane before they could do their work, before they could learn?!

I am disappointed with myself, the kids and the chinese school system. I came from a national school. I am lucky I was a good student. I didn't have very strict teachers, I remember all my teachers were quite nice. I didn't have to be caned. A word of advice and most of my friends would feel regret and be more proactive in learning. I didn't have to be drowning in homework to learn to be responsible. But my friends and I turned out well.

When I went home, I cursed the school system. No child of mine is ever going to this kind of school. No child of mine is going to want to be caned before they learn some thing. No child of mine is going to be turned into an animal which needs to be trained and whipped!

Then, I talked to my sister. Remember Mr. Tan Bong Leong? she asked me. Yup, a teacher so nice that noone bothered listening to him when he was in class. A teacher whom everyone knows is so good at BM that those who are kiasu went to his tuition but do not listen to him in school. A teacher so lenient that copying is rampant when he is invigilating during tests. That is the kind of attitude Form 4 and Form 5 kids from the best class gave him because he is too nice and lenient. What do you expect from Year 6 kids?

So, the next day, I went to school with a resolution. To hell with being nice to unthinking kids. I was Ms Sour-puss the whole day and the kids were actually easier to teach. They listened. They did their work. They spoke in English because I did not bother about them when they asked me questions in another language.

And it is hard for a happy-go-lucky person to be sour-faced the whole day. I don't know how some people can be unhappy all their lives. Hahahaha...gotta make myself angry for the whole year! Wish me luck!!

Top prize

Well, I have been transferred to a new school this year. My old school's district made a blunder and sent me in there when there was no vacancy. So, before I get kicked out and then posted to a place even more "ulu" than my old school, I took the initiative to apply for transfer while pulling cables and begging for a school which has vacancy to take me in. And so, I got my transfer. In town. Big school. Need English teachers. Perfect? Well, I prefer my kampung pupils. Hahaha...

First month in the school and I created history in the school. The longest-serving teacher told me that she had never heard of that kind of a thing happen in all the 30years that she was there. What happened?

Well, I was teaching Year 6 Phys. Ed and a child was hit on the head with the putt. Yup, I was supposed to be choosing a pupil for the short putt and the freak accident happened. At least 10 kids had given their best shot before this boy threw the metal ball waaaayyyy out of range and hit a girl on the head. It all seemed to happen in slow-mo. I saw the boy throwing the putt. I saw the ball making a big curve in the air before I noticed that it was flying in the direction of the girls who had strayed to the left-front of the boy. I screamed for the girls to run. I saw the girls running helter-skelter while screaming. I saw the tallest of the girls scream loudly. I saw the same girl looking at the putt coming at her. I saw the same girl cover her head with both her arms and ducked. I saw the putt hitting her head. I saw her fall to the ground with a thud. I ran to her. I saw the first rush of blood from her head. I saw my hand putting pressure on her head. I saw blood flowing freely from under my hands to cover her face when she sat down. Within 2 minutes, her face was covered with blood. I panicked.

Valuable lesson number one: never show that you are afraid, shocked, or not in control in front of the children.

It was not a good experience. Trust me. It was horrible. Seeing so much blood made me really, really scared. I then realise that the films actually did not exaggerate to portray fear. When the girl's head stopped bleeding, my hands shook so much that I could not put the mouth of my water bottle to my lips properly. I felt so nauseated. I hyperventilated. I burst into tears when my colleagues asked me to recount the incident. Yeah, embarassing. But the accident was just too shocking.

Luckily the girl is all right. She had to get a few stitches but her skull was not fractured and she did not have a concussion. The boy blamed himself at first but kids can easily forget about these things. For me? Well, it's not something that I'll ever forget. So, new teachers...think of every possibility. Get out of this profession when you have the chance! Hahaha...

Aunty or leng lui?

Yay...my 100th post is also my 1st in 2009. Too soon, another year has passed. Worst part of the new year? I feel I have not achieved much. I cannot believe it, 2009 means that I am going to be a quarter of a century old soon! Quarter of a century...geez that sounds OLD!

It's ironic, isn't it? I FEEL and LOOK old yet when I hear that eerie phrase "quarter of a century old", I cringe. Sigh...I'm tired of the loud and disbelieving exclamations of "You are only 24?!" Yes, I may look old but you don't have to be so insensitive ma, right?

Recently, I got into the habit of turning away from people whom I know will make nasty comments on how I look. Unfortunately, I cannot do it to those whom I have just met and are rude enough to comment negatively on another stranger. Perhaps the most disheartening comments come from the supposedly most honest and innocent bunch, which are the children. I thought I have become numb to the "honour" of being called an "Aunty/ Mak Cik" by younger children. Unfortunately, the insecurity of looking much less than perfect and the frequency of being seen as older than my age may sometimes make me feel ...

Well, as the saying goes, "Tomorrow is another new day". I probably cannot change even a single moment of the past, but I can try to change for a better future. "Aunty" is going to be "Jiejie" at the age of 25! Hahaha... Just as I told my colleagues this morning about my teaching principles (which I think really doesn't work in primary schools, so Mel...don't bother respecting those kids), the square peg is going to have to force itself to be round. =)

The blog post may seem disconnected because the first three paragraphs were written early in January and the final paragraph was only written just now. Hahaha...til the next post...take care!

The last weeks of 2008

2 days to Christmas, 8 days to 2009, 13 days to new school term.

What have I done with my 6 weeks' holiday? Erm...nothing much yet actually. A summary would be that I met some of my friends, I went on a very memorable and interesting holiday at a homestay, I met with more of my friends, I went to Bali with my family members while building muscle in my left arm, and I read a few good books.

An expansion on the things I've listed once I've got some of the photos and a computer with internet access at home. :)

In the meantime, enjoy being crushed by the crowd during Christmas eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve and New Years... I am going to avoid the crowds by staying in after certain time. Have a good one y'all!

I thank God(s)

I wake up this morning feeling absolutely great! I am so touched that I am so loved by my family, friends, pets and the Gods above! Why am I suddenly so grateful (seeing that I have been an absolute ungrateful brat before this)? I don't know. Enlightened, I suppose. ;)

I thank Gods above for my beautiful family. I realise now that my parents, brother and sisters and their families love me unconditionally and are worried about me all the time. They would walk on fire or shelter me from rain with their own bodies if there is the need. It was unfortunate that there is the communication break down within the family that makes each of us forget how much the other loves us sometimes. But I am determined to not let that happen to me again.

I thank Gods above for my extended family. Without you, Ah Yi and Ashley, I think I will not realise how much my parents have done for me. I'm sorry for my MIA status for over 2 months, but I did not want to repeat myself like a broken recorder and be reminded of the difficult times. :) Now that all is well, you can question me all you want. :)

I thank Gods above for Brian. It is definitely quite unusual among the people I know to still be friends with their ex. It is great that he is such an awesome and understanding guy. Girls, this guy is amazing! (Hey B, lemme know if my advertisement for you works, k?) ;)

I thank Gods above for my lovely friends...William, Linesh, Vilo, Melwin, Woon, MeiJu, Hwa Cheat, Sara, Ming Keat, Jarrod, Siaw Hui, Sin Yuan, Sophia, Joshua Paul, Jono, KY and others who were truly worried about me when they heard rumours of the break up but dared not ask for fear of intrusion. Haha...you guys are the greatest...And again, sorry for my MIA status.

I thank Gods above for my good looks and kindness. Hahahahahaha...You people who have/had crushes on me, better 'fess up or risk losing me to another person! Muahahaha...I know Vilo, you have told me so many times, let others have a chance! Hahahaha...

I thank Gods above for my job (and with that, my patience). Teaching brings much satisfaction sometimes. And some of the kids make you really passionate about teaching and helping them do better in their lives.

I thank Gods above for my lovely pets - Baby, Charlie, Hunter and Kristy. Baby for not biting me much these days and only welcomes me with a helicopter tail. Hehe...when she was slightly younger, she'd be so excited to see me that she could fly bottoms up because her tail was spinning wildly. For other family members, she would just wag her tail. :) And those of you who have seen Charlie would know that he follows me around as though he can't bear to be apart from me even for one second (except when my mom is eating snacks in the kitchen). Hunter, for all his craziness leapts as though his legs were springs when I'm at home. And poor Kristy who used to snap at me is on her last legs after my mom bought Bobby(which is dead after 2 weeks) home to accompany her. I didn't know that turtles are even more violent than dogs when they fight for dominance.

I have much more to be thankful for. Right now, it is for KFC. Hahaha...am off to have my finger linkin' good lunch now.

Amen, Amin, Namo Amitabha, ohm Shanti shanti shanti...

I love hugs

~Sigh~ I so do love hugs... and I just realised this not too long ago. It is not just me. Melwin has been feeling the same way too ever since she came back from Sabah. Too bad it is not in the Chinese culture to hug. Of the Chinese I've hugged, I think my aunt and cousin (love you lots, ah yi and Ashley!) are the only family members (ooh..and Willie). Heck, I hugged my friends' fathers and mothers and aunts and sisters but never hugged my own! I did attempt a half-hug with my father when he gave me my car but I don't recall him hugging me back. And my eldest sister's first hug for me was when she was leaving for UK and I stood there like a log feeling disgusted at being hugged. Hahahaha...that is/was the culture of my family.

Growing up imagining myself being open minded made me enjoy hugs. Somehow the hugs were only shared amongst the ones who went to national primary schools. Very rarely were hugs given to those who went to Chinese primary school unless they were really really close to you. I think the only one whom I hugged from Chinese primary school was Yoke Thing on her 21st birthday. And I remember her feeling awkward because she wasn't expecting a hug. Haha..or maybe it was just me giving her an awkward hug. :P

And then in Maktab days where my closest friends are Indians, I embraced the culture of hugging. Meeting someone after a long time *hugs*, before leaving *hugs*, family members *hugs*, just so that you know you are important and loved *hugs*...Before being posted and separated from my dearest friends, I had thought that it was some kind of obligation or habit for people to hug for no apparent reason. But I have since realised that it is not an obligation or a habit, it is just a need and a rather effective way of showing that you care...

I've been really lucky that I have been able to meet up with many of my closer ex-coursemates over the past 2 weeks. And I had a glimpse of the very different culture of the 3 main races in our beloved country:

My first outing was with Daus, Aisyah, Azee, Hakimi, Apai, Ikin, Sarah, Is (and Nana) and Vilo. Yup, a rather muhibbah outing we had at KLCC. Even though I was not close to some of them, we met and shared the particular 3-time hugs of the Malays. And even though it looked like standard hugs, the different levels of affection could be felt. For me, it is very natural to hug the one I am closest to or am friendliest with first before hugging those whom I am not that close to. And the ones I am closer to will hear the "muah, muah, muahs" while those whom I am not close to will just feel me doing the obligatory three time hug. Haha... Of course, religion and culture dictate that guys and girls shalt not hug (or touch) each other, so this "culture" was only exchanged among the girls. I would not mind giving Daus a hug though...hahahahahhaha...he's such a great friend! Besides the hugs, it was great to be able to meet and chat with them about everything and nothing again. And to go to the Skybridge together (the ticket collector was surprised that Vilo and I were together with them). Too bad Daus and Aisyah want to keep our photos close to their hearts and do not want to share them with others *hint*. ;P

The second outing I went to was with the Indian girls...the ones whom I almost always went out with. I am very bad but I would always try to hug the person that I miss most first even though it would be out of the way. So, without noticing it, I (kind of) ignored the person who was standing closest to me and went and hugged Melwin first. The Indian hug is different from the Malay hug that it is only done once but is felt by intensity. So, if I hug Vilo (hahaha) it would be a tight squeeze as opposed to me giving the obligatory hug to erm...Vilo's aunt. Great fun to be with the girls again...Mindy, Vilo and Melwin, we should go bowling and watch movie again soon! Miss chatting with you gals and laughing for no apparent reason! Haha...

The third outing which lasted for almost a week was with the Chinese gals. Siaw Hui, Hwa Cheat, Sin Yuan and Woon were in KL. And guess what? No hugs at all. Hahaha...we just waved and stood awkwardly saying hi to each other even though we are quite close, closer than I am to the Malay girls, at least! I only hugged Sophia and Dasha in the outing but not with any of the others who joined us after that...Ming Keat, Mei Ju...It's a little sad because now I regret not giving them a hug. But something about the culture holds us back... Chinese just don't hug...

Like, the culture in Chinese school is to stay away from the teachers. The children just don't want to get to know the teachers better. It is very different from national school children who would love to be closer to their teachers. The Yr 6 graduation ceremony is so stiff and awkward compared to the time when we left our practical school with hugs and kisses from the children. Sigh...it is sad that we don't adopt some of the better cultures of other races. Perhaps one day...one day, Malaysia will be truly be made up of Malaysians...

Girls are impossible to understand

Ok...I've been truly bored for the past few days. Haha...I know some people would kill to be in my position right now, but too bad, you guys still wouldn't have holidays like me even if you had killed me. :P Ahem...so anyway, as I was saying, I am bored. And in my boredom, I have been bugging some of my old friends for outings and been talking on the phone almost non-stop. And in one of those nonsensical phone calls, a friend tells me his opinion about "paying". My first reaction to his opinion was "Which century are you from?" and I was a tad offended by his male-chauvinism. But then, after the phone call, it made me think again. I mean, many girls would be charmed by the idea that a guy would be so chivalrous.

So what do you think of this modern girl dilemma: If a guy insists on paying for everything, do you think that he is being chauvinistic or chivalrous? My first thought would be that the guy is being chauvinistic. On the other hand, if a guy lets me pay for my own on a date anyway, he is being a cheapskate. I mean, friendly date, never mind la: you pay one time, I pay one time OR go on Dutch. Fair ma...But this should not happen on a date date.

Sigh...I can't understand girls. Hahaha...I mean, I don't know what I am thinking about most of the time anyway! But I am very sure of my position that the boyfriend should not pay for all of the girl's expenses. I mean, come on you guys, some girls are truly out on the hunt for bill-payers. Don't be so dumb, ok? When you are paying the girl's rent, phone bill, shopping and what-nots, you are definitely not being chivalrous. That is being STUPID. I mean, the occasional presents and shopping bill is ok, but if you two are at the cashier and she is waiting for you to fork out the money, something is wrong, man!

I used to have girl friends who do that. Flirt with guys and make them buy expensive cosmetics and perfume for them. The girls who do that, I don't respect. But to imagine that there are guys stupid enough to buy them those expensive gifts, I am speechless. And I remember scolding one of my secondary school friend who used to go shopping with a girl he was after so that he could pay for her with his few months' allowance. CRAZY males!

Any comments girls and guys on this issue? Please, do leave your comments. Am so freaking bored!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL MONKEY

Happy Birthday WILLIAM!!! Wishing you many happy returns of the day! Looking forward to the karaoke session! Haha...luv ya lots, kiddo!

Lost without school...

Well, humans are never contented, are they? I mean, a week ago, I was so looking forward to the school holidays (truth is, I don't have any respect for teachers like me! ). Now that the school holidays are here, I am bored half to death eventhough I have only been at home for erm..3 days.

Yeah...as much as I hate to admit it, I miss those little monkeys who would run around in class screaming "Lao shi! Lao shi!" even though I've already told them a million times to call me either "Cikgu" or "Teacher". Thinking about those kids make me feel sad. They have only just begun to warm up to me, and I may not see them again after this year. Why? There is this little problem of the school population shrinking and that they do not need as many teachers as this year. The possibility of me being the extra teacher is high as I am the last to be sent in. Hmmm...crossing my fingers that everything will be all right.

Many people seem to have the misconception that teaching is an easy job. I suppose compared to many other jobs, teaching has the least official hours. But I doubt many other jobs require as much patience, dedication and love. I mean, do you think it's easy to face 40 kids everyday? Try babysitting 3 of your nephews/nieces on your own and then comment on how easy a teacher's job is! Well, ok...actually taking care of your own relative's kids is much harder because you are not supposed to scold or correct the brats' behaviour unless you want a cold war with your relative. But the point is, it is not easy to take care of kids.

Haha..I suppose not many people are enlightened to the fact that there is no "easy" job in the whole world. You would think that the lower paying jobs are easier, but would you be willing to put your hand in other people's trash even if you were paid thousands? Would you be willing to spend hours under the hot sun cleaning the roads and still be unappreciated? Would you be willing to be on standby 24 hours with no off days except maybe on Mother's Day?

Gosh...am ranting. AM SO BORED!! SAVE ME! Any idea of what I can do during the holidays? I was planning to go volunteer in SPCA. Any one wants to go with me? Please, all you MPIK-ians and Segarians out there, update your blo*dy blogs!! Hahahaha...I think I'm crazy. Better go jump around like a monkey now. Adios amigos!

I hearby promise...

Dear Ashley, thanks for staying loyal to my blog. Haha...

Well, life has been different for me. I've been through quite a lot of new feelings and experiences in the three months that I have been posted. It's ironic how I used to laugh at Melwin because she said that her mother was going to live with her wherever she was posted to until she got used to herself and end up having my mother stay with me for 3 whole months. Hahaha...not that I am complaining (the place which I got posted to is seriously a dead-end) but I used to be so proud of my independence and wished that I could stay away from my family a bit. :)

In the end, having my mom with me for the three whole months made me think of how much my family really do love me. For fear of my safety, my mother who is approaching 60 decided to leave my dad to fend for himself and come live with me. The truth is, if anything had happened in those 3 months, my mom wouldn't be of much help. But the idea of her wanting to protect me from harm, is just priceless.

I seriously regret having to hurt their feelings just so that I could feel a bit happier. I've learnt my lesson. Rebellion will not last. At the end of the day, it is your family whom you will fall back to. However much you disagree with their points of view, you would have to admit that they see things clearer.

Thank you all who have made me see my ways. I promise that I will try not to hurt my parents' feelings after this. Ashley, you gotta remind me, ok? Haha...take care y'all.

m back..kinda

I can't believe it! I have been working as a teacher for 3 months+!! Sorry for not updating but I do not have internet connection. I used to have for a while but I am returning the broadband modem to the owner.
So much has happened that I don't know where to start. Well, if you want to know, wait til the school holidays before you check this page again la. Hahaha...happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari raya!!