Sunday, July 13, 2008

I am 50 goin on 24!

Weeks at home have added a few unwanted kilograms onto my already fat body. Yup, life is tough for the glutton with a too loving mother and an efficient maid. The situation was made worse when people seem to have the urge to tell me that I have put on weight after not meeting for some time. Hey, didn't your mama teach you not to say anything if you don't have anything nice to say? Telling people that they have put on weight is under the category of "not nice", ok? I was cursing and swearing about the person who made my days ahead gloomy when my skinny sister laughed at my anger. Wtf? I believe in karma...may those skinny people who laugh at a fat person die obese or put on lots and lots of weight after giving birth to children!! Muahahaha...

So anyway, I noticed that my mother who is approaching 60 was still making an effort to look good and do things that make her feel and look good. Compare that to me who is only 24 but look and feel like a woman 50 years older. I was devastated. I haven't even started enjoying my life as a teenager or a vibrant 20 something and I am already ancient. I kid myself about being in the teaching profession was the reason I look and feel like a mothe rof 30 children, but the fact is, I have just not been LIVING like my age!

I have been conservative my whole life. My only attempt at wanting to follow the fashion and wear a spaghetti strap top for shopping was frowned upon by my father. And that was it...I never did try to wear anything that is considered fashionable or acceptable to a young lady after that. Haha..not that I am blaming my father; my yoyo weight did not help either.

So, today I experimented with my boundaries. I bought an orangey halter top last year for my sister in Australia but it was too big for her. I have kept it with my growing pile of clothes that I hoped to wear someday because they are either sleeveless or too tight for me just now. So, I've decided to live a little today and wore the said orangey top out on my date with Brian.

It took a lot of Dutch courage. Haha...I had to get a boost from coffee and whiskey. Nah, just kidding. But it did feel weird wearing something that bares your shoulders when you are out in public. I think I shocked my maid who has never seen my shoulders! Muahahaha...

Although I felt uneasy at first because it is SO not my style, it made me feel good, overall. I felt that I somehow fit in the "young" crowd in KL. And I was finally wearing clothes that I longed to wear but never dared not fear of being laughed at. Surprisingly (or thankfully) no one made the attempt to laugh at a fat girl who's trying to wear skimpy clothes! And no one looked twice either, which is good! It means that there are more (ugly) girls wearing ugly clothes in Malaysia! Haha...Hmmm...or maybe there are just too many old aunties in KL trying to look young by wearing so not age-appropriate clothes for the KL youngsters to care anymore? Hmmmmmmmmm....

Anyway, my mom was also shocked by my "sudden change" as she could not recognize me when I came home. I don't know, it may sound stupid to you, but wearing that top made me feel refreshed, rejuvenated, reborn! may be another few months, weeks or days before I may try to attempt to live my age, but at least I am trying to do some stuff before I die!

Well, laugh at my flabby arms if you want to but I felt like a million dollars when Brian took this photo of me! Ahh..the power of being loved. :P


Viloshena said...

J u don look fat la.....pls la...if u r fat then i m wat..pregnant ah...

n jus don bother wat ever ppl say n do...some ppl jus don think before they talk n act...they don think if it wud hurt others or wat..n i know know hard it is to be hurt...jus don bother la...the secret out of it is...jus think of some happy momments that u hv had n will make a bit of a difference..or just think abt me...hehehehehehehehe

u look nice in the pic la
don worry abt others jus live for urself(see who is talking la..a person who does not practise this AT ALL)

anyway be happy don worry...
miss u
luv u
lookin foward to see u soon

lil' Munchkin said...

J, is that you?!!!!

My God! You looks hot!
(read: yeah, you put on weight)

HAHAHA! Just joking yah! TC! :D