Friday, July 21, 2006

Feeling blue

Yay...survived another week in UM without a far, so good. Got another ride to and from the Islamic Studies faculty the other day. Hehe...I was too lazy to go get a bus pass. Actually, I was too lazy to get anything done in UM. The place is quite big and confusing. Good thing a friend pushed me to go get my ID card and the internet access application done last Wednesday and Thursday or I would have been drifting in UM again without gaining much! I'll have to remember to get my bus pass next Monday or I would have to eat my words and cling to someone with a car for the whole semester! Hmm...just realised that I am a big hypocrite who use other people as much as I hate other people using me...hmm... =P
But then, I guess it's quite normal for humans to have this simbiotic use me, I use you: sometimes win-win, most times win-lose and others lose-lose situations. I can say that I hate these kinds of things all I like, yet I myself can't break away from this human nature. When I think about it, I am sort of using this "new-found" friend of mine. She doesn't have many friends because of the way she talks and acts, I do things with her now because she shows me around the place and I sometimes need the company. Hmm..still can't figure out why she wants to hang out with me besides the fact that she doesn't have many friends but she hasn't had many friends for the past 4 years, so why hang out with me now? Hmm...
I don't know. Maybe it's because I have too much idle time in UM, I seem to be very thoughtful these days. Haha...I don't mean to say that what I think about is always worth thinking about, but it has reminded me the reason I used to hate human beings. My observation of myself and those around me these past two weeks, adding on to the need to adjust to a strange place have left me feeling slightly depressed. =(
Observation 1: Things happening around the world - killings, robberies, rape and the sad incident which happened to my friend's brother.
Observation 2: Well, as mentioned above, me using people and vice versa.
Observation 3: Most children are very ungrateful towards their parents. As the chinese say, "better to have given birth to a piece of meat than to have given birth to a child; at least the piece of meat fills the stomach".
Observation 4: My elder sister lost her handphone. Culprit: 2 "human beings"/ "creatures of the lowest level" who prey on the human compassion.
How can anyone possibly be happy, living in this world as a human? It's so much better to be an animal, or a plant or an insect. Speaking of which, Charlie was sent to a friend's house for 2 weeks because the "Queen" from Singapore is here for the weekend and he totally forgot about me and is very happy making new friends. See? He doesn't even think or feel sad...whereas if my mother had left me (at a young age, not now!) in her friend's house for 2 weeks because of another person's whims, I would have felt so sad...
*sigh* humans...don't you wish that Bush would just push that "button" and destroy the whole world? They say that apocalypse is going to happen soon, I can't stop thinking "when?". Getting sick/bored of this life...can't wait to retire and become senile! Haha...I wonder if I can volunteer to donate and exchange my brain to another person? Let another person think of all these stupid thoughts...I only want to be a dog! Haha...woof!

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